I feel like a jar full of butterflies was unleashed into my stomach and as they flap their wings I feel this feeling more and more. It's a feeling of excitement and happiness. A bittersweet everlasting feeling of joy. I hate life, but it's beautiful, but we live to die and die to know. Billions of people don't get to experience life at all, but we do. We get to feel emotions and breathe and love and live and learn and make mistakes and change and grow and adapt and do anything we want to. Sometimes I wonder if it would be better to just not exist. If life was hell and not existing was heaven. I guess now I realize that life is great, it's an opportunity to LIVE because when you do die you could just be nothing at all, nothing but bones buried underground. So why not take the opportunity and live life how you want to, don't dwell on the past but move forward to bigger and better things. Life is what YOU make it. No one can influence your life if you choose not to let them. If you want to do something then literally nothing can stop you because you only life once and you don't want to waste the one chance you get to live by having a miserable life. I guess while i'm happy I should stay this way, i'm sick of getting upset over nothing and making people upset because of my mistakes. Why not just be happy? I don't want to worry anymore. I stress too much about what people think about me and I try too hard not to give a fuck when in reality I care too much. I shouldn't though, I need to learn not to be crazy all the time, I need to just take things as they come and relax because if someone really loves you they would never hurt you. So what am I worried about? I don't even know. I confuse myself 99.9% of the time. I just want to be happy all the time and if someone else wants to feel different then they can, because it's their life. Just live your life like you want to.