I hate drifting apart from someone. When one day you're so close to them and the next it's like you barely know each other. Sometimes it's good to have someone there for you, to tell everything too and be yourself around. It just sucks when that person leaves and you no longer have that comfort. I'm not saying it's good to let someone control your emotions but having someone you know will make you happy is always nice. At the time it doesn't cross your mind that the one person making you happy could leave and be the source of your pain. I wish some people came with a warning sign but that would ruin all the joy of heartbreak I suppose. I feel like i'm somewhat bitter now. I ignore people, i'm rude, but it's honestly because I don't feel anything. I feel nothing in my heart for anyone/anything. I'm happy and I enjoy living each day but I could go days by myself without seeing anyone else and I'd still be happy. I feel like no one can fulfill any of my emotional needs anymore, but at the same time I don't mind. I know it's not good to always be alone but for some reason it's what I love best. Being by myself and letting my mind talk is much more interesting than sitting with a group of people hearing them speak, for me. I'm not even sad or angry or anything. I'm just worried by how content I am with the fact that I love being alone.

I love this city.

How to roll a blunt

Check out Trust Beatz at:
http://www.itrustintrustbeatz.com/music
follow on twitter:
http://www.twitter.com/trustbeatz


Sometimes the person we most want is just beyond our grasp, could it be that we only want them because we know they are out of our reach? And when they do come to us, we have moved on, and then its their turn to want what they could have had. . Maybe we cant always have the one we want, but, we can all want to have. . Wanting and pining sometimes bring us some kind of perverse pleasure. Why can’t we just use that passion to seek not for what we can’t have but to find the one that is waiting for us? Love always has a way of striking us blind, you’d think we’d learn but we fall for it every time. 


“i hate the fact that im still attracted to you
so many things that i’d love to actually do
but then i look at all the wrongs that are factually true
and i just wish that i could give you up and trade back for my crew”

skateboarding in India

India : Oxelo Skateboards from GuilhemMACHENAUD.com on Vimeo.

I have been sketching alot lately..

Raw Elementz - The Fly Life

follow on twitter @RawElementz

Every inch you move closer to me only forces me two steps back. You don’t know how much I hate how easy it is for you to make my day. And what’s even more frustrating is that you don’t even try. I constantly catch myself smiling out of the blue just thinking of all the little things you do. But I’m stuck. I want so badly to break through these boundaries you’ve awkwardly placed me in because I am ever so tired of tip-toeing around this notion in my mind. I’ve thought about it endlessly and my mind won’t let it rest. I don’t know exactly what it is about you that’s got me absolutely winded. I don’t really think me describing you could do you any justice. But what I can say is that you just have that quality about you. That… je ne sais quoi… It almost makes no sense to me how much you’ve got me all twisted inside. I try and try to keep my composure, but I can’t help it. To tell you the truth, it’s been a long time since I’ve felt something fluttering in my stomach. All mush aside, it’s wrong. So here I am… analyzing every word you say, cautiously choosing my words, poker face on, up at night, making our convos as brief as possible and I’m out. I’m scared to get too close because I don’t want to like you. Cus I’ve been here before…
But you don’t necessarily make it so hard…

“I tell ya, when you left me, I thought I would never love again cause you had me all confused and twisted up inside, I thought it was something that I did. And ever since you been gone, there’s’s been a lot of good things going on. Well ever since you left that day, there’s been a lot of good things going my way.”

Bill Cosby x Quincy Jones on some OG shit

Ed Sheeran - The A Team..... my favorite song :)

And if you see the E drop 'em

 

I fucking love this book

               Ease DaMan - follow on twitter: @Ease_DaMan
       
     

Ease DaMan's new video:"Opiate Pilates"

Ease DaMan is blowing up New York with his unique talent.

I see great things in this mans future. Keep an eye out!

    I loooooooooooove this movie & I love this scene
 

Problem. it's you.
why must I find you running through my mind like you're finding a place in there to sit comfortably forever. Matter fact it's like you're driving a car in my mind and crashing into my brain giving me headaches filled with the pain of your love. But wait, it's not love..it's hate determined to kill me, hurt me, destroy me. let's start with kill shall we; say you kill me would you feel no sorrow? Like everthing we worked towards were just promises for tomorrow and you knew tomorrow would never come that's why you made the promise because for me this isn't today it's a hell living through eternity on earth.
Your kindness is so fake you should wear a sign on your heart saying "no one lives here".
you're destined for greatness
you, my friend, are nothing but trouble.
The nights are cold and my thoughts are warm. but baby, tell me, is there a reason you're in them? darling be happy you're flying through my soul, forever and eternally it shall be yours along with every single part of me.

 

Just so everyone is aware, I will be having these at my wedding.

i'm in love with them...

I literally cannot wait to get married now, I have so many plans and dreams for my wedding. I feel a little sorry for the man who winds up marrying me because I want my wedding to be huuuugeeeee. I don't ask for THAT much but every girl wants a big wedding whether they admit it or not. The feeling of it being "your" day will be incredible...

And walking down the aisle with all eyes on you..

I am going to design my own dress...I already know what I want it to look like.

It's going to go in at my waist and the puff out sooo big. and i'm going to have a really long train and I am going to wear long white silk gloves and a tiara and my hair will be up but with loose curls and i'll have on make up but it'll look natural and I will look perfect.

It's funny that I have all this planned but i'm not even close to getting married.

can someone ask me to marry them already!

 

“…I’m not a businessman. I’m a business…maaaannn…”

ahhh I remember when this song came out the guy i liked told me to listen to this song..little did he know I would end up listening to every other song by Lupe..fell in love with Lupe instead of the guy..whoops

Tall Painting     

greaaat times

Music

what the fuck is music? Music is sound. why are you famous because you make sound? I make sound every day. I talk don't I? I hit shit with my hands and kick shit isn't that making sound? But you get paid because of the sound you make, or is it because of the people you know. Make beats, put em on the net, hope to get a lot of views and make it big? or talk to someone you know in the business and squirm your way in. Well what if you don't know anyone? o you're fucked then right?. Music sucks. I hate music. I like noise I like any noise, I like interesting noise I don't care if you're famous or not if you're black or white or whatever you are. I don't care because I like NOISE. i like sounds i love sounds I love nodding my head to sounds, I like nodding my heads to great beats made by anyone even myself. I love sound but I hate music.

YOU

You hold me tight and for that moment I feel nothing else but protection
safety from the world like nothing can ever hurt me
You let go and along with your arms the feeling fades away
I turn around you're not there
Dissapearing before my eyes I search but can not find you
I wonder if what I felt was real or if my mind was playing tricks on me
But for the moment I felt your touch I knew everything would be alright
Dreams can only remind me of you now
Dreams are all that can bring me close to you
Maybe you never existed but why did I feel something real
Maybe my heart believed you were there but really you were my imagination
I need to feel protected
I need your longing touch
Your strength
Your breath
Your love
Your life
I need all of you
I need you with me
I need you to hold me

Okay.
My heart hurts.
Like, when I inhale deep.
And, I have asthma.
So, I’m inhaling pretty deep.
I know it’s not my lungs. Cause, I know where my lungs are.
The sharp pains are like smack dab in the middle of my chest.
Kind of leaning towards the left.
That’s my heart, right?
Anyways.
I’m too scared to inhale super deep cause it hurts so much.
)’:

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i love everyone

KANYE WEST COACHELLA 2011 FULL SHOW PART 2

KANYE WEST COACHELLA 2011 FULL SHOW PART1

 

Most are prisoners of their own thoughts.

I don't really have much to say.
Well I do but i'd rather keep it inside.
Just let it build up inside me til it goes away.
Peace

The ILLZ - M.P.A.(My Public Apology) (Official Video) from Delgis Mustafa on Vimeo.

You never know - Immortal Technique 
Her eyes are brown and beautiful, yet empty and sad
I used to talk to her occasionally, and she was glad
That I wasn’t just another nigga trying to get in it
So every now and then we’d stop and talk for a minute
I didn’t have a gimmick so the minutes turned to hours
On her birthday, I gave her a poem with flowers
Then I took her out to dinner after her cousin’s baby shower
We talked about, power to the people and such
We spent more time together but it was never enough
I never tried to sneak a touch, or even cop a feel
I was too interested, in keeping it real
Perfectly honest and complete, she would always call me “carino”,
And never Technique, bought me a new book to read every 2 or 3 weeks
Forever changing the expression of my thoughts when I speak
It was because of her, I even deaded all of my freaks
She convinced me, to stop hangin’ out on the streets
To stop robbin’ and stealin’, from people like you
Instead I took her out to the Apollo and the Bronx Zoo
We sailed del Barrio and the Metropolitan too
Got to the point when I was either with her or my crew
So I decided one day, to tell her my feelings was true
I couldn’t live without her so I told her, facing my fears
But honey’s only response, was a face full of tears
She could only sob hysterically, holding me tight
I tried to speak, but she wouldn’t stop until I left sight
I felt like a moth who got himself too close to the light
Except I didn’t burn, I turned cold after that night

i thought this was cute :)

This is what my boyfriend wrote me for valentines day this year :) 

"time has no beginning or end, but a persons life does. what we do in our  lifetime determines the outcome of our life after death. hold onto memories of happiness, hope, compassion for these are the emotions that allow you to cope with the obvious negativity in the world we both see everyday. happy valentines day baby, I wish I was there with you. So i could look into your eyes and tell you how much I love you. Hold you in my arms and promise you everythings gonna be alright. but baby everything is gonna be alright even though im not there, you have my heart. You are the girl of my dreams. Happy valentines day baby, im taking time out of the day to let you know how much i love you and cherish your heart. This is for the times we go through our downs and we don't express enough how much we love eachother. and for the ups when we express how much we love eachother, but still dont understand how real what we have is. happy valentines day baby, this is an apology for all the horrible mistakes i have in our relationsthip and the mistakes i am going to make in the future. no one is perfect, bu my personal perspective of perfection is you. and thats all that should matter. Happy valentines day baby, thankyou for everything you do for me. this is me expressing my appreciation now so that when we do have our arguments. you will know that i do not take anything you do for me for granted. dont ever think that i dont still get those goosebumps everytime i hear your voice. I cant remember the first time you told me you loved me, or the 2nd or the 3rd but that doesnt matter. all that matters is that i remember the last time you do, cause that's all i need to leave this earth happy. knowing that i showed someone true love. and they match that love with just as much in return. thankyou for giving me a chance. dont ever think i dont want you, cause even if we don't work, ill never forget you. and will hold onto the memories we have of one another for the rest of my life. happy valentines baby.

Mindy Smith - One Moment More

Bun B & Lupe Fiasco Debate a Schoolteacher - Are Rappers Role Models?

I heard that you're settled down,
That you found a girl and you're married now,
I heard that your dreams came true,
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you,
Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light,

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it,
I had hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over,

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead, yeah,

You know how the time flies,
Only yesterday was the time of our lives,
We were born and raised in a summer haze,
Bound by the surprise of our glory days,

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it,
I had hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over, 

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,

Nothing compares,
No worries or cares,
Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made,
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead.

I want this to be my wedding song. Or have something to do with my wedding.
My Grandpa used to always sing the chorus to me as a lullaby. It just reminds me
so much of my childhood. Not many people listen to The Beatles anymore but I
always do, their songs just make me feel good. I was really close with my grandpa
before he passed when I was like 7. I remember him so well yet so vividly. I just
remember always hanging out with him and giggling. He was such a great man,
he loved nature and the world. I love you papa Noel :)

Jealousy, we got to swallow it.
Your heart and mind baby follow it.
Smile, happiness you could model it.
And when you feel opposite
I just want you to know,
Your whole being is beautiful.
I’m going to do the best I can do.
Cause I’m the best when I’m with you.

Common

I want this outfit..

I hate when you try to fix things and it doesn't work so then you're just lost and confused and everyones true feelings come out and you find yourself crying every single night with ease. I hate feeling like someone has control over your every emotion but I guess that's what love does to you. I've been trying so hard, and I thought I had been proving myself a lot but I found out I haven't, so where do you go from here? I literally don't know, I think i'll just sit back and wait for whatever to happen. Everything happens for a reason but you influence that reason and i've tried my best to influence my future but I guess God or whoever has different intentions for me. things always fade into nothing, I don't expect anything good to come from this, I can HOPE but I don't expect. If I could sleep through all of this and wake up when it's over I would. but I just need to be strong throughout it all.

So much shit in my life needs to be figured out. But until then i'm going to focus everything on my future because I literally have no idea where it's headed. I need to just focus on it, figure out where i'm going and get there. Determination will be the key and if people want to come along for the ride then that's fine. But I can't have people messing up my focus. My emotions get in the way of too much. I need to be a stronger person and just quit being so emotional. I'm 20 years old now, i'm a woman, now I need to step up and act like one. I'm sick of the immature shit and everything messing up my days/nights. We'll see where everything goes, hopefully in a positive direction. I hate waiting for something that you know won't come back, or waiting for something that you know you'll never have again. I'm preparing for disappointment but  I can't let this bring me down again. I need to step up, grow up and have more than one priority in my life. I made one thing my biggest priority and didn't think about what would happen in the long run. Like when that priority is no longer there I have nothing else, because I never focused on or cared for anything else, so at the end of the day there's nothing/no one there. word of advice: don't lose contact with friends or stop caring about anything in your life just to focus on ONE thing/person, i'm not saying it's bad to give one thing all your attention, but when that thing is gone and you have nothing or no one left, that's when shit really starts to suck.

I feel like a jar full of butterflies was unleashed into my stomach and as they flap their wings I feel this feeling more and more. It's a feeling of excitement and happiness. A bittersweet everlasting feeling of joy. I hate life, but it's beautiful, but we live to die and die to know. Billions of people don't get to experience life at all, but we do. We get to feel emotions and breathe and love and live and learn and make mistakes and change and grow and adapt and do anything we want to. Sometimes I wonder if it would be better to just not exist. If life was hell and not existing was heaven. I guess now I realize that life is great, it's an opportunity to LIVE because when you do die you could just be nothing at all, nothing but bones buried underground. So why not take the opportunity and live life how you want to, don't dwell on the past but move forward to bigger and better things. Life is what YOU make it. No one can influence your life if you choose not to let them. If you want to do something then literally nothing can stop you because you only life once and you don't want to waste the one chance you get to live by having a miserable life. I guess while i'm happy I should stay this way, i'm sick of getting upset over nothing and making people upset because of my mistakes. Why not just be happy? I don't want to worry anymore. I stress too much about what people think about me and I try too hard not to give a fuck when in reality I care too much. I shouldn't though, I need to learn not to be crazy all the time, I need to just take things as they come and relax because if someone really loves you they would never hurt you. So what am I worried about? I don't even know. I confuse myself 99.9% of the time. I just want to be happy all the time and if someone else wants to feel different then they can, because it's their life. Just live your life like you want to.

This is my King. The only person in my life who can treat me like absolute shit and still be around. I know I will marry this man one day. 

He's such an amazing person.

He's so genuine and is the best friend I have ever had <3 

I love him to death and would do anything for him. I try and be the best girlfriend I can be but I am a psycho bitch sometimes. It's ok though because he knows this and he still stays with me through anything. I love that I can tell him anything I want, or be an idiot and he just laughs. I can be yelling at him one minute and then telling him I love him the next. We have a weird relationship...and I think it's because we both know we can't get rid of each other. We are both so close now that it's literally impossible to be without one another. Kind of sucks...I think I hate him. He's rude and yells at me and get's mad at me for no reason and makes me cry a lot.....but he's funny and sweet and my bestfriend and soulmate and he will be the father of my children. I can't wait to fully experience life with him. To travel the world...to have children....to get married...to do everything we possibly can. He promised me we would live until we are 100. No matter what we go through, our ups and downs or whatever...I still love him, and he still loves me. I'm sorry baby, for always being crazy, especially lately, but you know I love you more than anything in this world. I try and do as much as I can to keep you happy. your happiness means so much to me and making you laugh or smile makes me feel like i'm accomplishing something. So when I make you mad or upset I feel so bad. I know i'm not the best girlfriend and I know all the mistakes I have made but at the end of the day i'm still the girl you fell in love with...and you're still the man I fell in love with. We just make mistakes sometimes. You'll forever be my papa bear and i'll always be your mama bear. and you'll always be my daddy and i'll always be your baby girl and no matter what we will get through anything, because we were made for each other. You teach me so much about the world...I love talking to you about anything. I love you baby, you're my everything and so much more.

Forever and Always baby.