How do you find yourself in a position that not even you can explain. That's what i'm in right now. I want to get out but at the same time i'm trapped and I hope no one finds the key to unlock me from this powerful feeling of love and hurt all bundled together like a cocoon about to burst and set free all my emotions. like every heartbeat is me trying to get out but every deep breath is a chance to stay in. never bite the hand that feeds you...but what if what i'm getting fed isn't food but an enrichment of pain and sadness..and in order to break free I must hurt the one handing it to me. I don't want to hurt but I want to stay this way, not for a day but forever, forever in the lock of my feelings that are suffocating me but as I gasp for air I find the harshness of life without this feeling and sink into my thoughts where dreams are better than reality, and i'd rather have a nightmare than be tossed around in my soul while I decide what I want, because in nightmares I can't feel the pain and I can still be who I want to be freely and carelessly cause in nightmares you die, wakeup and forget it ever happened. but my reality cannot be forgotten.